The Tower
There was once a princess whose father was king over a great country full of mountains and valleys.
Her name was Irene. She was eight years old when this story begins, though she got older very fast. She lived in a large house on the side of a mountain — half castle, half farmhouse — about halfway between its base and its peak. Her face was fair and pretty, with eyes like two pieces of night sky, each with a star dissolved in the blue.
She had rarely seen the real sky at night. This was because of what lived under the mountain. The mountains in that country were full of hollow places — great caverns and winding passages that the miners had opened up over generations. And in the hollow places lived goblins. Not monsters exactly. Creatures that had once been ordinary, who had gone underground when a king treated them badly, and had changed in the dark into something resentful and clever and bent.
This is why they kept the little princess inside at night. She did not know this. She only knew that the nursery ceiling was painted blue with stars, and sometimes she lay on her back and looked at it and thought about the real sky she couldn't quite remember having seen.
One very wet day, when the mountain was covered with mist that gathered itself into raindrops and poured off all the eaves of the great old house, the princess could not go out.
She got tired. Not ordinarily tired — the kind that toys cannot help, the kind that comes from being inside your own skin too long on a rainy day. Her nurse went out of the room for a moment. And the princess, who was brave enough for her age and curious the way only certain people are — not cautiously, but in the way of someone who genuinely needs to know what is on the other side of things — went to a door she hadn't tried before.
It opened onto a narrow staircase of old worm-eaten oak. She had been up six steps before, on another day, and six steps had been enough reason to come back. On this day she kept going.
Up and up — through one flight and then another and then another, until she came out at the top of the third flight onto a landing that opened into long passages full of doors. She ran. The same doors. The same silence. She was lost.
She sat down on the floor and cried. Really cried — the way you cry when you're alone and there's no one to be brave for. She didn't cry long. She was braver than that, even at eight.
She got up, brushed the dust from her frock — it was very old dust — and decided to do the thing that fear most wants you not to do: keep walking, keep looking, keep trying each new turn.
In a corner, through a half-open door, she found a staircase. It went the wrong way. It went up. She went up anyway.
At the top was a small square landing with three doors. She heard something — low, sweet, humming — more like a very happy bee in a flower full of honey than anything else she could name. She put her ear to the first door. Not there. The second. Not there. The third.
She opened the third door.
Inside was a very old lady, sitting spinning.
You might wonder how she could tell the lady was old, since her skin was smooth and white and her face unlined. But her hair was white — white almost as snow — and her eyes were the eyes of someone who has seen a great many things and understood most of them. Not the sharp eyes of cleverness. The deep eyes of time.
While the princess stood in the doorway, the old lady lifted her head and said, in a sweet voice that was old and a little shaky and mingled pleasantly with the sound of the wheel:
"Come in, my dear. Come in. I am glad to see you."
The princess did what she was told. She walked in, shut the door behind her, and stood beside the old lady and looked up at her face.
"Why, what have you been doing with your eyes, child?"
"Crying," said the princess.
"Why?"
"Because I couldn't find my way down again."
"But you could find your way up."
The princess thought about this. "Not at first. Not for a long time."
The old lady rose and washed the princess's face with a little silver basin and a soft white towel. Her hands were smooth and warm and not what old hands were expected to feel like.
"Do you know my name, child?"
"No," said the princess.
"My name is Irene."
"That's my name!"
"I know. I let you have mine. A name is one of those things you can give away and keep at the same time."
"Who are you?" asked the princess.
"I am your great-great-grandmother," said the old lady. "Your father's mother's father's mother. I came here to take care of you."
"But I've never seen you before."
"No. But you shall see me again."
"Does nursie know you're here?"
"No. Nobody knows."
The princess thought about this for a moment. Then she said — and this is the part that tells you what kind of person she was:
"I should like very much to bring nursie to see you. She won't believe I found you, and I can't bear not being believed when I'm telling the truth."
The old lady smiled. "You may try," she said. "But I cannot promise she will see me."
She took the princess back to the top of the stair and watched her go down. Then she turned and walked back to her room — very fast, for such a very great-grandmother — and sat down at her wheel again with a smile that was difficult to interpret.
The nurse did not believe her.
The princess told her everything, precisely and honestly. The nurse said she had dreamed it, or invented it. Every denial drove the princess a little closer to tears — not of sadness but of a particular frustration: the frustration of knowing something true that you cannot prove.
The princess wiped her eyes. She understood something that night that most children take longer to learn — that you cannot make a person believe what they are not ready to believe, and that this is not the same as the thing not being true.
She forgave her nurse and went to sleep.
But she had not changed her mind about what she had found.
The story isn't finished.
Neither are you.
She found a room nobody else could find, and something true that nobody else would believe.
Is there something like that in your own life? Something you know — about yourself, about what you want, about who you are — that is real even though you can't prove it to anyone else?
You don't have to explain it. Just notice if it's there.